


lifedance.

by NotTooBad



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Depression and shit, F/F, F/M, Guns, Knives, M/M, Multi, Some Romance, Stockholm Syndrome, Weapons in general, Ziam Mayne - Freeform, gay shit, insane!Harry, larry stylinson - Freeform, lots of blood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-19 18:48:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13129827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotTooBad/pseuds/NotTooBad
Summary: When you love someone, you stay with them - through sanity, insanity, and everything in between. ©2017 NotTooBad





	lifedance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The area dividing the brain and the soul  
>  is affected in many ways by  
>  experience –
> 
> Some lose all mind and become soul:  
>  insane.  
>  Some lose all soul and become mind:  
>  intellectual.  
>  Some lose both and become:  
>  accepted.
> 
> -Charles Bukowski

“You can take that file and shove it up your ass.”

The manila envelope dropped to the table with a thud. The noise took Louis Tomlinson so off guard that a few drops of his usual morning tea fell from his cup onto the floor and, with his luck, onto the sleeve of his scrubs. His eyes narrowing, he ran his damp wrists over the similar shirt Niall was wearing, resulting in a few spots of the light purple turning to a darker shade. Blue eyes met blue. A second of silence passed, and then they were both smirking at each other, the fake hostility passing easily. The envelope, however, was still lying in the place where it had fallen. A single drop of liquid had plopped onto the cover, but it remained otherwise unscathed from its sudden altitude drop. 

Niall, feigning hurt, gave his best mate and coworker a pout. “Please? It’s nothing. You’re my best friend; you’re s’posed to be savin’ my ass when duty calls.”

“You won’t save my ass when I end up dead,” Louis pointed out, taking another sip of his tea before setting it down. 

His eyes flickered to the file. Without more prompting, he reluctantly picked it up. The writing on the tab read Styles, H. in a slightly messy, slanted writing style that he recognized immediately as Niall’s. Everyone knew what was in that file without even having opened it yet. The horror stories of what Harry Styles had done to his victims rang through the halls in a continuous loop, seemingly gaining momentum in the time since the man had arrived. Thinking back, it had only been about a month now. Not much time at all. 

The tone of the hospital had changed ever since Harry’s arrival. It began as a general stir - more patients acting up than normal, an increase in anxiety and moodiness among staff, nothing too out of the ordinary. Of course, all of that had begun before their newest patient had even stepped foot inside. In the weeks leading up to his admittance, his case had still been in its trial phase. While nobody could be certain that he would end up there, the consensus among everyone inside and outside of the institution’s walls was the same as the end result. Instead of a regular prison, he would be thrown in there with them, and there wasn’t a damn thing anyone could do about it after the courts had made up their minds. 

Niall’s eyebrows furrowed. The comical aura about him had dissipated. “Lou, I’m beggin’ you here. It’s only for a week.” 

A week was a long time in Louis’ opinion. 

“Niall,” He said slowly, running his fingers through his hair. “Look, it would be different if you were asking me to, say, babysit your cat. This is an insane murderer. I don’t even know how you would be able to get permission to hand his file over to me.” 

“I already got it,” The blonde piped up. “I put in for it as soon as the family plans were made. Nobody cares if he’s included in your rounds as long as I’m still overseeing the whole thing.” 

“You’re unbelievable.”

The joy that appeared on Niall’s face was enough to force Louis to agree. It was impossible to refuse him when he hadn’t seen his family in, what, months now? Almost a year? It was too long, surely. As someone who saw his mum and siblings at least once per week, he knew there was nothing on Earth like that kind of love. 

Using all the patience he could muster, he tucked the folder under his arm and reached for his tea. “Let me think about it.”

“You can do more than that,” Niall chirped, patting him on the shoulder. The cup of tea flew out of Louis’ hand and crashed onto the floor, covering the cream-colored tile in liquid and the leftover fragments of the cup. The Irishman had the decency to give a light blush, at the very least, before pulling his hand away and dropping his arms at his sides. “I put him under your schedule for today.”

Louis gaped. “Niall-“

“I knew you would say yes! Don’t let him intimidate you,” Niall warned, clapping him again on the back, which luckily only resulted in a look of complete annoyance from the other man. “You’ll do fine. He doesn’t even talk to me. Told me to fuck off once, but that was about it.” 

Now at a complete loss, Louis just huffed. “You can clean this up.”

“Will do.”

“If I die, this is your fault.”

“I take full responsibility.”

Finally, Louis turned away, having no other retorts left thanks to the shock that had taken over his mind. It was for the best, most likely; he was already running late and he needed to start his rounds. 

It was always the same routine. He would go to the storage room where all of the medications were kept and carefully count out every one of the little capsules that his patients would need. He would double- and triple-check his count, just to be sure, and then he would start down the opposite hallway from the storage room, taking care of the easiest patients first, or the ones that were typically pleasant and needed the fewest medications. As soon as he confirmed that the patient in question had swallowed the pills, he would clear them so they could go to the dining hall to grab breakfast. In the best case scenario, the easy patients would take two minutes, though some took up to five if they felt like making small talk with Louis about how they were feeling or how something interesting had happened after he had gone home the night prior. His assigned fifteen patients in that category would take, roughly, forty-five minutes in total on a good day. His five medium-risk patients were slightly more difficult. He would have to go through the same routine, only there was a list of questions he asked them as well before they would be allowed to go. Lately, it had been taking around the same amount of time just to get through the medium-risks as it did to get through the low-risks. With Louis being so young and graduating from his internship so recently, he did not have a single high-risk patient yet. Some days, he would find himself envious of the stories the other workers told about the excitement their own rounds held, but he would always snap back to reality relatively quickly. His position guaranteed him more safety. One day, he would get the excitement, but for now he would treasure the easy cases the best he could. 

Doing the math, Louis estimated that his introduction to Harry could be put off for an hour and a half. His usual habit of taking his time with each patient was even more excessive than usual, making it blatantly obvious to himself that he was stalling. He, Louis Tomlinson, who had entered into the field of psychology solely for the purpose of meeting people exactly like Harry, was pushing this off. Part of it was due to fear - not fear of Harry, but the fear that he was nowhere near being ready to handle a case of this magnitude. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity he could not fuck up. 

“Off you go, then,” He smiled, giving permission for the last of his patients to leave for breakfast. “I’ll check in with you this afternoon.” 

He watched the red-haired girl smile and skip off with a sense of dread. The universe was against him on this one - the hour and a half that he thought he would have was shortened to an hour on the dot. Not even the meticulous task of going to the dining hall, then back to the storage room, grabbing Harry’s file and medications, and heading to the forbidden hallway took enough time for Louis to fully prepare himself. 

“The forbidden hallway,” as it was referenced by staff members and patients alike, was appropriately named. It was one of the most secure places in any mental hospital or prison in the UK. A large door made of steel protected the hall from wandering eyes. In order to enter, an ID specifically cleared for the area needed to be scanned, the extensive code was required to be punched in on the iPad screen, and an officer had to be present on the other side of the door. As if that process alone wasn’t enough, there was a quick pat-down, an awkward walk to whatever cell was required, another ID scan, and, finally, a second room-specific code. Only then could the actual patient be accessed directly. 

It was lucky that Louis had the run-down of this information upon the start of his internship, because he surely would not have taken as much care to remember every little detail as possible had any part of the process slipped his mind. Harry’s pills were in a little orange bottle in his pocket, and the tray of food was balanced in the arm that wasn’t needed when dealing with his ID and the code. There were a few times where he fumbled and nearly sent toast and orange juice flying, but he prevented the fate that his poor tea had met that very morning and finally got to the cell without much trouble. 

“Where’s the blonde kid?” The guard grunted, startling Louis with his first spoken words. He shifted awkwardly, glancing at the cold door before him.

“Niall? He’s going away tomorrow.”  
“And you’re his replacement?”

Louis gave a hesitant nod. The strange man seemed to be laughing at him. Sure enough, once the initial chuckles were out, the officer simply shook his head and allowed his eyes to roll. 

“Kid, don’t take this the wrong way, but Styles is going to eat you alive if you go in there like this.”

Although Louis couldn’t be sure what “like this” meant, he had a feeling it might have something to do with his appearance. His eyes fell to his feet, slowly trailing up as he searched for any little imperfections that could give his inexperience away. As far as he could tell, he looked fairly similar to everyone else. His confusion was evident across his features. 

The officer gave another bellowing laugh. “You’re terrified. He’s going to take advantage of you if he can sense that.”

With a small frown, Louis looked back up. Of course he was terrified. How the hell could he not be? On the other side of this door was a man known for ruthlessly killing people that were both friends and strangers. It would be unnatural if his fear wasn’t bubbling up inside of him by now. 

“I’m alright.” Louis argued. He straightened his posture the way he had been taught and gave him a determined little grin. His shaking fingers punched in the second code with ease. A happy little trill of a beep gave him the affirmative that he could continue, and he did so without a single second of hesitation, trying to appear brave. Regret flowed through his veins the second that he heard the door clang shut behind him. 

Like most of the people who worked there, he had been following Harry’s case for a while now. He had seen the news reports and what he had done to his victims. Thanks to their positions, he and Niall had even been allowed to watch clips from the actual trial, though neither one had gotten away with sitting down to watch more than a few minutes here and there. Despite this, all of the preparation in the world could not have prepared him for meeting Harry Styles face -to-face. 

The criminal was sat on the edge of the bed, looking expectant. With a routine as solid as the one that these patients were on, it was to be expected that he was already adjusted to the specific times that everything happened. Unlike the other patients, those who were murderous or had the title of “criminal” attached to their file were unable to leave the cell for prolonged periods of time. They were never left unsupervised. Harry, particularly, demanded precaution. Even without access to a proper clock, he had to know that his time was coming. He was the very last in the hallway since he was the newest. 

Louis was unable to pinpoint the exact mood of his new charge. He was normally pretty good with emotions, easily picking apart his patient’s facial features and body language to determine whether it was going to be a good day or a bad one. One thing he could attest to was Harry’s confusion. His brows were ever so slightly pulled together, posture going rigid when the schema of seeing Niall again was broken. Besides that, his narrowed eyes and fingers tightening against the blanket underneath him could be signs of discomfort, aggression, or anything in between. 

Louis slipped his identification card back into his pocket for the time being and gave him a smile. Harry did not smile back. 

“Hi, Mr. Styles,” Louis greeted, trying to keep up the illusion of having his shit together. He could still feel his fingers shaking. “My name is Louis. Niall is on vacation, so you’ll be seeing me for the next week instead. I hope that’s alright.”

The lack of response sent chills down Louis’ spine. He had taken Niall’s promise of a quiet visit happily, thinking it would make this all easier, but he actually found that the opposite was true. The amount of silence in the room made him feel as if he were in a horror movie. A moment passed before he sucked up the courage to approach Harry and hand him the tray of food. They locked eyes for a brief moment, stormy green meeting blue, before Harry reached out and took it. 

Something about the encounter made Louis stare back. He was stubborn in nature, always one to stare rather than look away. This was something different. A few seconds passed, and only after the intensity of Harry’s gaze became too much did he finally glimpse around the cell instead. It was a decent size, though simple; there was only a single bed as furniture. A window was above it, which Louis considered nice. If Harry had to stay inside at least he could look out and see the world. 

Hospital policy dictated him staying there until Harry was finished eating. The ten minutes or so it took for him to eat most of his breakfast was slightly awkward, but with Harry occupied and seeming a little less anxious than he had been when Louis first arrived, the time went by pretty smoothly. He handed the tray back when he was finished. Louis, being lost in his thoughts, jumped slightly, his cheeks turning a flaming red color when he realized that his fear was unnecessary. He reached out and took the tray back, but not before noticing the little smirk that was now on Harry’s lips. Louis tried his best to ignore it. 

“Well,” He breathed, reaching for the pill bottle in his pocket. He took it out and popped the top off. The four pills that Louis had expertly chosen just minutes ago fell into his hand. He was familiar with all of them - the two circular blue ones were mild sedatives, the blue and green for anger, and the red for anxiety. They were all to calm Harry down. Personally, Louis had never seen one person on such a combination. It was a strong mix, which would explain why Harry’s eyes were slightly glazed over, like he was dealing with a separate world rather than reality. The man swallowed all of them down with the juice he still had left. Next, his mouth opened, and Louis went through the routine of making sure he swallowed the pills before backing off. The whole routine had been much easier than he thought it would. No wonder Niall always looked relieved after his morning rounds. 

“I suppose I’ll see you later, then.” He hummed, giving Harry another smile. It was ten times more genuine than any of the others he had shown thus far, and he knew it was because he was so damn grateful to be alive. “Bye, Harry.”

Getting out of the cell and the hallway demanded the same procedure as it took to get in. If possible, Louis was even shakier leaving despite his body feeling genuinely calmer. The same officer led him out. Louis made sure to keep his head high and his face blank in an attempt to hide his fear. When he was met with the exit, he quietly thanked the other man and got the hell out of there as fast as he could without physically running. That hallway still spooked him. 

When compared with his anxiety surrounding Harry Styles, the rest of the day seemed fairly easy. Until lunchtime rounds, Louis’ job mainly consisted of walking around and checking on his patients to ensure that they were getting to their therapy appointments on time or doing something productive. Like every day, he was forced to stand guard in one of the group therapy sessions. It was his least favorite part of the day. Nothing wild had ever happened - other than one girl nailing another with a chair once - but it all seemed pointless to him. Those who wanted to speak did, and those who did not were quiet. There was prompting for them to participate, but Louis could relate to those who would just glare or groan about how the group sessions could not be less of a help. 

He didn’t get to see Niall again until right before lunchtime when they were both looking over their charts and sorting out medications. The blonde gave him a grin and nudged him with his elbow as he walked past, swiftly grabbing a pink bottle off of the shelf. 

“How did it go?”

Louis, who was carefully measuring out a dose of Celexa, answered a minute or so later. “Fine.”

“Fine?” Niall prodded, obviously expecting more. “Is that all?”

Louis turned to him with a playful roll of his eyes. “It was uneventful. Why?”

Niall simply shrugged and gave him a wink. Feeling his cheeks heat up again, Louis grabbed up the medications and set out for his rounds. Hardly anyone had afternoon pills, so the process went by much faster than it had in the morning. He collected Harry’s lunch and set off for the forbidden hallway again. As silly as it was, he took pride in the fact that his fingers were shaking considerably less than they had before. It was one small victory in a large battle. 

Harry was waiting once again. The routine was repeated without disruption. Louis had a knot in his stomach and a voice in his head telling him that he shouldn’t be so comfortable; no matter how nice things had been going, he couldn’t let his guard down for a second. Afternoon rounds went off without a hitch, and when evening rounds went the same way, Louis was feeling quite confident. 

Thankfully, Harry was the last patient of the day. Just after six, he grabbed his belongings and shoveled the leftover food from his lunch into his bag to be saved for another day. He checked for his phone, his ID, and his pager before he deemed himself ready to leave. Niall arrived just as he clocked himself out. Ignoring the bright blue eyes glued to him, Louis simply walked toward the door, a small smile on his face as he realized why his best mate was acting so strangely. He turned around, waved him goodbye and, in one breath, said, “Bye, Niall. I’ll take the case.”

You would have thought Niall had just won the lottery. He cheered and immediately wrapped Louis in a hug, which he couldn’t push him out of, considering his hands were full. He even placed a giant kiss on his cheek for emphasis. Louis made a gagging noise and wiped the spot off with his shoulder. 

Niall had the right to be excited, though. All of his plans would have been ruined had Louis refused. “You know I love you, right?” He grinned, tousling Louis’ feathery hair so it stuck up in all directions. 

Louis simply smiled. “And that’s exactly why you can plan my funeral arrangements while you’re on vacation.”


End file.
